Strengthening Relationships

       Mother's day is coming up and it is that time of year when we start reflecting on those women whom we look up to.Wellness is made up of seven different elements two of these elements are emotional wellness and social wellness. These two elements can refer to our feelings and relationships that we have with people. The mother-daughter relationship is an important aspect in a women's life. A mother is the one who helps us learn how to take care of ourselves as we reach womanhood, she gets us through our first breakup, and loves us continually no matter what we say or do. For some of us as we get older and leave the house our relationship with our mother begins to be weakened. As we see our mother less often we begin to lose that closeness we had before when we saw her on a more frequent basis. As we get older we begin to develop our own lifestyle, ideas, and individuality that may differ from our mothers. We may have gotten into a recent disagreement that has caused us to distant ourselves from her. Whatever the reason as to why we have weakened that bond, it is important that we strengthen it whenever possible. In honor of mother's day this week, we have focused on how to strengthen your relationship with your mother or the person who plays the motherly role in your life.  

Relationships

       One thing that we need to keep in mind is that a relationship consist of two people. "Sometimes we spend so much time focusing on ourselves-our shortcomings, problems, and needs-that we overlook the ways that our lives are are affected and enhanced by others". As we get older and become adults our relationship with our mother changes. We become adults and make our own decision but we are still seen as a child by our mother. We have to learn to start a new relationship with our mother in which we are both adults but we still have that mother-daughter feeling. Below are some tips that can help with starting that relationship and how to make it stronger.

1. Make the first move.

It is important that both people are putting forth the effort although one person may have to initiate it first in order for the relationship to begin.

2. Change yourself.

Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their ways. Think of it as a dance, when one person changes their steps, the dance inevitably changes.

3. Have realistic expectations.

Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. It is important that we realize it will not be perfect and the other person will not always do what you expect.   

4. Communicate.

"Lack of communication is a common challenge with moms and daughters. Because moms and daughters aren't mind readers, be clear and calmly state how you’re feeling. Also, speak your mind in a very heartfelt but gentle manner". 

5. Be an active listener.

Active listening is when you reflect back what the other person has just said. This means that when the person is done talking you repeat in your own words what the person just said. By reflecting back what they just said you’re telling her that she’s being heard and that you understand. This can also help someone rephrase what they said if you are understanding them different than what they meant. 

6. Put yourself in her shoes.

Mothers try to see how your daughter feels and how you felt when you where her age. Daughters try to understand that your mother does have experience and has the best intentions for you. 

7. Learn to forgive.

Forgiveness is key to a relationship. Being able to ask for forgiveness and knowing when you have wronged the other person as well as being able to forgive is what will build trust and confidence between you two. 

8. Balance individuality and closeness.

Dr Roni Cohen-Sandler said, "It can be challenging for daughters to build their own identities. Sometimes daughters think that in order to become their own person, they must cut off from their moms. Or, quite the opposite, they’re so fused that they’re unable to make decisions without her input, she said. Both are clearly problematic".

But daughters can find their voices and identities within the relationship. So how can you strike a balance between staying connected and still being true to yourself? It is not easy but with time you will be able to find a perfect balance. 

9. Agree to disagree.

As adults we begin to develop our own views and ideas some which may go against what our mothers believe. It is important that it is accepted that agreement will always occur and to let each other have their own opinions. 

10. Stick to the present.

"Moms and daughters tend to have an old argument that runs like a broken record in the background. It becomes their default disagreement. Instead, avoid bringing up old gripes from the past, and try to focus on the present" -Dr. Roni Cohen-Sandler

11. “Use ‘I’ statements, rather than being accusatory,”

Instead of saying you make me feel  you did this say I. By replacing "you" with "I" your conversation will be more productive and no one will feel like they need to become defensive.  

 References: 

http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1988-16704-001

http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-insights-on-improving-mother-daughter-relationships/0007635

Roni Cohen-Sandler, Ph.D, psychologist and co-author of I’m Not Mad, I Just Hate You! A New Understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflict http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-insights-on-improving-mother-daughter-relationships/0007635

Meditation

What is meditation? 

Meditation is a simple and easy way to help reduce stress and relax. Meditation is a method that has been practiced for thousands of years by many cultures and religions.Originally it was used as an intellectual enlightenment to better understand mystical and sacred forces of life. Now it is generally used as a relaxation and stress reduction method. While doing meditation is produces a state of relaxation that helps you focus your attention and eliminate the busy thoughts that get jumbled in your mind causing you stress. This process helps enhance emotional and physical wellness. 

Is it the same as yoga?

Yoga is considered a type of meditation that focuses of exercises that help with flexibility. 

How do I meditate? 

Ways to meditate can include:

• Guided meditation. Sometimes called guided imagery or visualization, with this method of meditation you form mental images of places or situations you find relaxing. You try to use as many senses as possible, such as smells, sights, sounds and textures. You may be led through this process by a guide or teacher.
• Mantra meditation. In this type of meditation, you silently repeat a calming word, thought or phrase to prevent distracting thoughts.
• Mindfulness meditation. This type of meditation is based on being mindful, or having an increased awareness and acceptance of living in the present moment. You broaden your conscious awareness. You focus on what you experience during meditation, such as the flow of your breath. You can observe your thoughts and emotions but let them pass without judgment.
• Qi gong. This practice generally combines meditation, relaxation, physical movement and breathing exercises to restore and maintain balance. Qi gong (CHEE-gung) is part of traditional Chinese medicine.
• Tai chi. This is a form of gentle Chinese martial arts. In tai chi (TIE-chee), you perform a self-paced series of postures or movements in a slow, graceful manner while practicing deep breathing.
• Transcendental meditation. You use a mantra, such as a word, sound or phrase repeatedly silently, to narrow your conscious awareness and eliminate all thoughts from your mind. You focus exclusively on your mantra to achieve a state of perfect stillness and consciousness.
• Yoga. You perform a series of postures and controlled breathing exercises to promote a more flexible body and a calm mind. As you move through poses that require balance and concentration, you're encouraged to focus less on your busy day and more on the moment. 

 Does it have any health benefits? 

The emotional benefits of meditation include:

• Gaining a new perspective on stressful situations
• Building skills to manage your stress
• Increasing self-awareness
• Focusing on the present
• Reducing negative emotions

Meditation and illness

Meditation also might be useful if you have a medical condition, especially one that may be worsened by stress. While a growing body of scientific research supports the health benefits of meditation, some researchers believe it's not yet possible to draw conclusions about the possible benefits of meditation. 

Some research suggests that meditation may help such conditions as:

• Allergies
• Anxiety disorders
• Asthma
• Binge eating
• Cancer
• Depression
• Fatigue
• Heart disease
• High blood pressure
• Pain
• Sleep problems
• Substance abuse

References:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/meditation/art-20045858

Google Images 

Finding Strength in Family History

 

As members of the church we are often encouraged to find our ancestors and help do work for those that have passed on. We often overlook that in doing their works, we are also lifting ourselves. By learning more about our ancestors, we can gain insights through their life experiences. We can find strength and courage through their struggles to overcome our own trials.

To some the task of finding family can be quite large. You might be the only one listed in your family tree. There’s a simple way to start, add your immediate family and then branch out from there. Soon you will have your grandparents and their children (your uncles and aunts). You can even add your cousins in from there. If you run out of relatives you’ve met in person start asking your family about other family they knew growing up. They might have stories that you will be surprised you never heard!

It’s also important to record stories that are happening today. You might get to an age where you wish you could tell the stories of your youth, but your memory may fail you. Prepare for that possibility by keeping a journal and taking photos (include a short description of what’s happening.) Photos create wonderful recollections and memories. Finding out more about your ancestors also helps you become more acquainted with your living family.  Spending quality time with your family brings peace to our homes.

 See how a grandfather influenced his granddaughters by talking about his experiences during Pearl Harbor.

 

 

To learn more about  Family History visit this site for more steps :

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-history/family-history-is-for-everyone?lang=eng

 

For more videos on Family History: http://www.lds.org/topics/family-history?lang=eng&cid=HPTU011414347&im=true#media=

50 Rexburg Service Ideas

Tis the season to show others you care!  As the Thanksgiving and Christmas season approach, we all look for ways to serve others and show them we care.  Here’s a list of ideas for acts of service (some of them very small!) you can do right here in Rexburg. 

1. Call and talk to a family member who lives at least an hour away
2. Focus on not saying anything negative for a day
3. Write a letter to a missionary
4. Smile at someone as they walk by
5. Pick up trash outside
6. Rake someone’s yard (or shovel snow!)
7. Pay for the person behind you in the drive-thru
8. Attend the temple
9. Give a stranger a compliment
10. Say good morning to someone you don’t normally talk to
    
11. Write a thank-you card to someone who has helped you recently
12. Give someone a hug
13. Hold open the door for someone
14. Be extra courteous to pedestrians crossing the street
15. Make a treat for someone
16. Do something nice for the person/ family you visit or home teach
17. Remember to say please and thank-you…even for simple things
18. Give someone a high-five and tell them good job for something
19. Leave an anonymous note for someone
20. Send a card to a stranger in the phone book
21. Make breakfast for your spouse or roommate
22. Throw away someone’s trash for them
23. Leave a large tip for your waiter/ waitress
24. Babysit for someone’s kids so they can go to the temple
25. Tell someone you love them
26. Tell someone a joke
27. Tell someone why you appreciate them
28. Write and send a letter to someone you love
29. Do a chore for your spouse/ roommate that they usually do for you
30. Put $10 in a random gas pump
31. Index at least 20 names
32. Visit the nursing home and talk to the residents
    
33. Go Christmas caroling (or Thanksgiving caroling…be creative)
34. Take a treat to those waiting in line at the testing center
35. Take a treat to those who finish their test at the testing center
36. Write your roommates notes of appreciation
37.  Get involved with Activities on campus (they even have SERVICE activities!)
38.  Volunteer at the animal/ horse shelter
39. Give someone a ride home from the grocery store
40.  Write a letter/ email to your grandparents
41. Clean out your closet and donate clothes you don’t wear to Deseret Industries/ Goodwill
42.  Bring your bishop a snack for his late after-church meetings
    
43.  Learn how to do family history
44.  Pay your fast offering
45.  Donate supplies to the Family Crisis Center
46.  Pray for someone who needs a little extra help
47.  Help someone who’s moving
48.  Help clean the chapel after services
49.  Let someone go in front of you while you’re waiting in a checkout line or in traffic
50.  Take a treat to the fire station

 Remember, it’s the little things that count.  Elder M. Russell Ballard said “It is my humble prayer, brothers and sisters, that we will ask in our daily prayers for the inspiration to find someone for whom we can provide some meaningful service, including the service of sharing the gospel truths and our testimonies. At the end of each day, may we be able to say yes to the questions: “Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need?””

Here are some great talks and devotionals regarding serving others:

Scatter Sunshine- M. Winston Egan

Unselfish Service- Dallin H. Oaks

Be Anxiously Engaged- M. Russell Ballard

Service- Stephen E. Snow

Pictures from the LDS Media Library

Coping with Change and Life Transitions

Change can be one of the most terrifying things in life. Whether it’s expected or out-of-the-blue, a natural part of growing up or something out of your control, it can cause us to become stressed, anxious, or even scared. With the end of the semester in just a few weeks, many students are facing major changes and life transitions. Although you may want to fight the future, the best thing you can do is accept and embrace the changes to come – you may find it’s even better than you expected!

Here are some suggestions to help you cope with changes and life transitions.

• Be flexible. By now, most of us have learned that life doesn’t always follow the plan we create for ourselves. Be open to new experiences or ideas. Many times there are options we haven’t even considered.
• Be patient. We can’t expect to get exactly what we want, whether it’s a solution, outcome, or desire, immediately. We need to remember that things take time. Don’t rush things to get your results.
• Be persistent. If something doesn’t work out the first time around, don’t give up! Most of the time, the best things in life are things we have to work for. Even if it’s slow, continue to push through.
• Keep perspective. Look at events or phases in the greater, eternal context. This will help you reduce distraction and anxiety as you are able to see the overall picture.
• Be positive. Life is full of ups and downs! Our ability to have a positive attitude will help us even out these waves and help us live happily during any period of change. Smile, laugh, and have a sense of humor. Remember, “Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.” (Gordon B. Hinckley)
• Have a purpose. Develop personal goals that you are continually working on. When you have a distinct purpose or vision, this will help you progress and move forward even when things seem out of balance.
• Be healthy. Continue with regular exercise, a nutritious diet, and sleep. These habits will combat stress, depression, and anxiety, and improve our mental and physical health.

Finding Joy in the Journey
President Thomas S. Monson
October 2008 General Conference

“Day by day, minute by minute, second by second we went from where we were to where we are now. The lives of all of us, of course, go through similar alterations and changes. The difference between the changes in my life and the changes in yours is only in the details. Time never stands still; it must steadily march on, and with the marching come the changes.

This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now.”

Sources:
Brenner, Abigail, M.D. "5 Tips to Help You Respond Effectively to Change." 5 Tips to Help You Respond Effectively to Change. Sussex Directories, Inc., 05 July 2011. Web. 09 July 2013. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201107/5-tips-help-you-respond-effectively-change>.

Creagan, Edward T., M.D. "Coping with Change: Stop Stressing and Start Adapting." WebMD. WebMD, LLC., 5 May 2010. Web. 9 July 2013. <http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/coping-with-change/MY01307>.

"Dealing with Change." APS Healthcare. APS Healthcare, n.d. Web. 9 July 2013. <http://www.washington.edu/admin/hr/benefits/publications/carelink/tipsheets/dealing-with-change.pdf>.

Words to Inspire

This Sunday, Mother’s Day, we honor all women across the world for their influence and impact in the home and community. Whether you are a mom with little kids, an empty nester, a single adult, proud grandma, or faithful school, piano, or church teacher, you make a positive contribution and have an important role.  

 "The Women in Our Lives" - Mormon Message

 
“Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time! . . . My dear Relief Society sisters, you are closer to heaven than you suppose. You are destined for more than you can possibly imagine.”

• President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“Forget Me Not” Ensign November 2011)

“When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this.”

• Elder Neal A. Maxwell (“The Women of God” General Conference April 1978)

“Recent horrifying events in the United States have underscored the fact that we live in a world of uncertainty. Never has there been a greater need for righteous mothers—mothers who bless their children with a sense of safety, security, and confidence about the future, mothers who teach their children where to find peace and truth and that the power of Jesus Christ is always stronger than the power of the adversary. Every time we build the faith or reinforce the nobility of a young woman or man, every time we love or lead anyone even one small step along the path, we are true to our endowment and calling as mothers and in the process we build the kingdom of God. No woman who understands the gospel would ever think that any other work is more important or would ever say, “I am just a mother,” for mothers heal the souls of men.

Look around. Who needs you and your influence? If we really want to make a difference, it will happen as we mother those we have borne and those we are willing to bear with. If we will stay right with our youth—meaning, if we will love them—in most cases they will stay right with us—meaning, they will let us lead them.
As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon. Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning. In the premortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn’t stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joy at least in part because of the ennobling stature He gave us in His kingdom. The world won’t tell you that, but the Spirit will.

We just can’t let the Lord down. And if the day comes when we are the only women on earth who find nobility and divinity in motherhood, so be it. For mother is the word that will define a righteous woman made perfect in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, a woman who has qualified for eternal increase in posterity, wisdom, joy, and influence.”

• Sister Sherri Dew (“Are We Not All Mothers” General Conference October 2001)

“Woman is God’s supreme creation. Only after the earth had been formed, after the day had been separated from the night, after the waters had been divided from the land, after vegetation and animal life had been created, and after man had been placed on the earth, was woman created; and only then was the work pronounced complete and good.

“Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring than a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth.”

• President Gordon B. Hinckley (“Our Responsibility to Our Young Women,” Ensign, Sept. 1988, 11.)

“Our destiny is greater than we can imagine. If only we understood who we are and what is in store for us, our hearts would overflow with such gratitude and happiness that it would enlighten even the darkest sorrows with the light and love of God, our Heavenly Father. The next time you feel unhappy, remember where you came from and where you are going. Rather than focus on things that dampen your thoughts with sorrow, choose to focus on those things that fill your soul with hope. You will realize that these things are always connected to serving God and our fellowmen. Remember that the Lord has given you His word in the scriptures. Pray earnestly to Him; talk with Him daily. Learn of Him, and walk in His way. Serve God and serve your fellowmen.”

• President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“The Reflection in the Water” CES Fireside November 2009)

"I Think I Can" - The Power of Positive Thinking

In the classic children’s story, “The Little Engine That Could,” a small engine pulls a large train over a mountain after repeating the mantra, “I think I can” over and over again and using all his strength to accomplish the task. This story teaches readers, young and old, the importance and power found in positive thinking.

Positive thinking involves being optimistic in both word and thought. It doesn’t mean that we have to ignore the challenges or troubles that come to us. Rather, we approach them with a good attitude and try to make the best of it.

Here are some ways that you can increase your positive thinking:

1. Identify specific areas you want to change. Choose one or two topics that you would like to become more positive about. Once you conquer these areas, you can add a few more.
2. Evaluate your thoughts throughout the day. Catch yourself if you start to become negative and change the direction of your thoughts.
3. Smile and laugh every day. No matter how difficult the task or day may seem there is something to enjoy. The more you can laugh, the less stressed you will feel.
4. Take care of yourself. When you are exercising and eating right, your body and mind will naturally feel better.
5. Seek optimistic friends. We tend to be like the people we surround ourselves with. If you surround yourself with happy, positive people, you will pick up on their attitudes. 
6. Engage in positive self-talk. Instead of saying something negative about how you look or something you did, focus on your successes and progress. Say to yourself, “I think I can” each morning or develop your own power statement to get you going each day.

Benefits of Positive Thinking

Don’t become discouraged if your attitudes don’t change immediately. Just like any other skill, positive thinking takes practice. Overtime though, you will see the benefits in your life.

Research has shown that positive thinking may lead to:

1. An increased lifespan
2. Lower rates of depression
3. Lower levels of distress
4. Greater resistance to the common cold
5. Better psychological and physical well-being
6. Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
7. Better coping skills during hardship and times of stress

Let positive thinking empower your life today! Look for the good and you will find it. Remember the words of President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. He said, "No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it."

Sources:

"Positive Thinking: Reduce Stress by Eliminating Negative Self-talk." Mayo Clinic. Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 28 May 2011. Web. 09 Apr. 2013. <http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/positive-thinking/SR00009>.

Uchtdorf, Dieter F. "Of Regrets and Resolutions." LDS.org. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, n.d. Web. 09 Apr. 2013. <http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng>.

Embracing Your Divine Worth

The Influence of Righteous Women
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“As we look at the history of this earth and at the history of the restored Church of Jesus Christ, it becomes obvious that women hold a special place in our Father’s plan for the eternal happiness and well-being of His children.”

“There is a saying that big gates move on small hinges. Sisters, your example in seemingly small things will make a big difference in the lives of our young people. The way you dress and groom yourselves, the way you talk, the way you pray, the way you testify, the way you live every day will make the difference. This includes which TV shows you watch, which music you prefer, and how you use the Internet. If you love to go to the temple, the young people who value your example will also love to go. If you adapt your wardrobe to the temple garment and not the other way around, they will know what you consider important, and they will learn from you.”

“What you sisters do today will determine how the principles of the restored gospel can influence the nations of the world tomorrow. It will determine how these heavenly rays of the gospel will light every land in the future.”

“May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you. But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others. Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones. The virtue of your own life will be a light to those who sit in darkness, because you are a living witness of the fullness of the gospel (see D&C 45:28). Wherever you have been planted on this beautiful but often troubled earth of ours, you can be the one to ‘succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees’ (D&C 81:5).”

“My dear sisters, as you live your daily life with all its blessings and challenges, let me assure you that the Lord loves you. He knows you. He listens to your prayers, and He answers those prayers, wherever on this world you may be. He wants you to succeed in this life and in eternity.”

LDS Women Are Incredible!
-Quentin L. Cook

“God placed within women divine qualities of strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children.”

“Much of what we accomplish in the Church is due to the selfless service of women. Whether in the Church or in the home, it is a beautiful thing to see the priesthood and the Relief Society work in perfect harmony. Such a relationship is like a well-tuned orchestra, and the resulting symphony inspires all of us.”

“Our women are not incredible because they have managed to avoid the difficulties of life—quite the opposite. They are incredible because of the way they face the trials of life. Despite the challenges and tests life has to offer—from marriage or lack of marriage, children’s choices, poor health, lack of opportunities, and many other problems—they remain remarkably strong and immovable and true to the faith. Our sisters throughout the Church consistently ‘succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.’”

“You valiant and faithful single sisters, please know that we love and appreciate you, and we assure you that no eternal blessing will be withheld from you.”

“Dear sisters, we love and admire you. We appreciate your service in the Lord’s kingdom. You are incredible! I express particular appreciation for the women in my life.”

May You Have Courage
-President Thomas S. Monson

“Esther, through fasting, faith, and courage, had saved a nation.”

“You will probably not be called upon to put your life on the line, as did Esther, for that which you believe. You will, however, most likely find yourself in situations where great courage will be required as you stand firm for truth and righteousness.”

“Again, my dear young sisters, although there have always been challenges in the world, many of those which you face are unique to this time. But you are some of our Heavenly Father’s strongest children, and He has saved you to come to the earth “for such a time as this.”  With His help, you will have the courage to face whatever comes. Though the world may at times appear dark, you have the light of the gospel, which will be as a beacon to guide your way.”

LDS.org

LDS Sources to Help and Comfort Women Impacted by Pornography

 Jill C. Manning, PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist stated, “The following three concepts, among many others, have been helpful for women to incorporate into their healing and decision-making process:”

1. Clarify the Motivation. “In many cases, pornography use is more about seeking an escape or mood-altering effect than it is about sex itself. Although pornography use often starts out as a youthful curiosity about sex, in most cases it develops into a way of escaping certain emotions and stressors. Looking at pornography can even be used to self-medicate depression and anxiety and to self-soothe loneliness or poor self-esteem. Understanding this can help cut through the faulty belief that being more sexual with a pornography user will reduce consumption, or that if someone is using pornography, his or her spouse must not be sexually available or attractive. In addition, understanding the non-sexual motivations behind pornography use can help a woman understand that her partner would have likely turned to pornography regardless of whom he married and that his pornography use is not a commentary on her attractiveness (even though it feels like an attack). Erroneous assumptions about the motivations around pornography use not only promote misplaced blame and shame, but also detract from holding the consumer responsible for choosing to deal with life's problems in maladaptive and harmful ways.”

2. Beware of Comparing Reality to Fantasy. “Many women will tell me they feel insecure and intimidated when they compare themselves to the pornography stars their husband lusts after. There are two issues here: (1) the destabilizing hurt caused by a husband's infidelity and (2) the dynamic of comparing oneself to someone who has prostituted herself in a pornographic scene. Let's look at the second part of this assumption. Many women believe they don't measure up to what their husband is neurotically and narcissistically seeking out because they think the porn stars represent a sexual ideal. This is one of the biggest lies pornography invites women to believe. Most pornography stars have histories of sexual abuse, drug use or addiction, mental health problems, failed relationships, cosmetic surgery, and/or sexually transmitted diseases. In short, the only thing that is modeled in pornography is sexual brokenness and spiritual disconnection. Men who recover from a pornography habit also come to this realization and ironically begin to “see” the beauty of their spouse as what they desire and need.”

3. Ignore Comments That Invalidate the Seriousness of This Problem, and Seek Out People Who Understand the Issue. “When a woman takes the risk to share this marital problem with a trusted friend or family member, it is not uncommon for her to encounter statements such as, ‘Boys will be boys,’ ‘All guys are into porn,’ or ‘At least he isn't cheating on you.’ Comments such as these not only demoralize and invalidate, but they also reflect a lack of understanding about the addictive potential this habit has and the impact pornography use has on relationships. Pornography use represents a serious breach of the marital bond and pulls sexual energy away from an intimate relationship. It is important to ignore comments that dismiss or invalidate the seriousness of this issue and to actively seek out the opinions and support of individuals who understand this issue well. As a woman sifts through the constraining and erroneous beliefs that compound the pain associated with a spouse's pornography use, she is better able to make healthy decisions and take steps that will facilitate healing. Although it is troubling to consider that an increasing number of women are facing this issue in their marriage, it is reassuring to know there are also a growing number of resources to support women and families dealing with this issue. With our continued support, the Lighted Candle Society will not only be able to help women get the support they need, but also be able to continue its unique fight against the pornography industry at large.”

For further information and resources regarding the impact of pornography: click here

Uplifting Thoughts for the Future

Faith is both a principle of action and of power. It “is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if [we] have faith [we] hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” It is an assurance8 of the Spirit gained through our learning that moves us to act to follow the example of the Savior and prayerfully keep His commandments, even through times of sacrifice and trial. Faith brings us the power of the Lord, which—among other things—is manifested by a hope of good things to come, miracles that confirm our faith, and divine protection in spiritual and temporal matters.
Elder Marcus B. Nash

“Life is good, if we live in such a way to make it so.” This was a part of an inspirational message I read many years ago. What the message calls “a good life” comes as a result of the way we do things, of the words we choose to say, and even of the kind of thoughts we choose to have.
No one needs to feel alone on the road of life, for we are all invited to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. Happiness is the purpose of the gospel and the purpose of the redeeming Atonement for all men.
Benjamín De Hoyos

Our spiritual journey is the process of a lifetime. We do not know everything in the beginning or even along the way. Our conversion comes step by step, line upon line. We first build a foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We treasure the principles and ordinances of repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. We include a continuing commitment to prayer, a willingness to be obedient, and an ongoing witness of the Book of Mormon.  We then remain steady and patient as we progress through mortality. At times, the Lord’s answer will be, “You don’t know everything, but you know enough”—enough to keep the commandments and to do what is right.
Elder Neil L. Andersen

It would be easy to become discouraged and cynical about the future—or even fearful of what might come—if we allowed ourselves to dwell only on that which is wrong in the world and in our lives. Today, however, I’d like us to turn our thoughts and our attitudes away from the troubles around us and to focus instead on our blessings as members of the Church. The Apostle Paul declared, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us.  My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith. President Thomas S. Monson

lds.org

The True Definition of Beauty

In 2011, Dove® released the findings of its largest global study to date on women’s relationship with beauty—The Real Truth About Beauty: Revisited. The study revealed that only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful, and that anxiety about looks begins at an early age. In a study of over 1,200 10-to-17-year-olds, a majority of girls, 72%, said they felt tremendous pressure to be beautiful. The study also found that only 11% of girls around the world feel comfortable using the word beautiful to describe their looks, showing that there is a universal increase in beauty pressure and a decrease in girls' confidence as they grow older.

“I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! 

But as one adviser to teenage girls said: “You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” 8 And in the kingdom of God, the real you is “more precious than rubies.” (Julia DeVillers, Teen People, Sept. 2005, 104.)  Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good.”-Jeffrey R. Holland (“To Young Women,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 28)

Being daughters of our Heavenly Father is what makes us beautiful.  At times, it is easy to lose this perspective due to the standards that the world has set for beauty.  We must remember that as we strive to emanate with the light of our Savior Jesus Christ, others will be drawn to our true beauty: our divine self.  

“Be a woman of Christ. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. This Church needs you. The world needs you.”-Jeffrey R. Holland (“To Young Women,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 28)

Recognizing Abuse

“Satan uses your abuse to undermine your self-confidence, destroy trust in authority, create fear, and generate feelings of despair. Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships. You must have faith that all of these negative consequences can be resolved; otherwise they will keep you from full recovery. While these outcomes have powerful influence in your life, they do not define the real you.” -Richard G. Scott (April 2008 General Conference)

Signs of Abuse

• Monitors what you're doing all the time
• Unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful constantly
• Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family
• Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school
• Gets very angry during and after drinking alcohol or using drugs
• Controls how you spend your money
• Controls your use of needed medicines
• Decides things for you that you should be allowed to decide (like what to wear or eat)
• Humiliates you in front of others
• Destroys your property or things that you care about
• Threatens to hurt you, the children, or pets
• Hurts you (by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting)
• Uses (or threatens to use) a weapon against you
• Forces you to have sex against your will
• Controls your birth control or insists that you get pregnant
• Blames you for his or her violent outbursts
• Threatens to harm himself or herself when upset with you
• Says things like, "If I can't have you then no one can."

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

Signs of an unhealthy relationship include:

• Focusing all your energy on your partner
• Dropping friends and family or activities you enjoy
• Feeling pressured or controlled a lot
• Having more bad times in the relationship than good
• Feeling sad or scared when with your partner

Signs of a healthy relationship include:

• Having more good times in the relationship than bad
• Having a life outside the relationship, with your own friends and activities
• Making decisions together, with each partner compromising at times
• Dealing with conflicts by talking honestly
• Feeling comfortable and able to be yourself
• Feeling able to take care of yourself
• Feeling like your partner supports you

 *Sometimes a relationship might not be abusive, but it might have some serious problems that make it unhealthy. If you think you might be in an unhealthy relationship, you should be able to talk to your partner about your concerns. If you feel like you can't talk to your partner, try talking to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. Consider calling your bishop or a stake president to get the support you need and to explore next steps.

“If you are currently being abused or have been in the past, find the courage to seek help. You may have been severely threatened or caused to fear so that you would not reveal the abuse. Have the courage to act now. Seek the support of someone you can trust. Your bishop or stake president can give you valuable counsel and help you with the civil authorities. Explain how you have been abused and identify who has done it. Ask for protection. Your action may help others avoid becoming innocent victims, with the consequent suffering. Get help now. Do not fear—for fear is a tool Satan will use to keep you suffering. The Lord will help you, but you must reach out for that help.”-Richard G. Scott (April 2008 General Conference)