Strengthening Relationships

       Mother's day is coming up and it is that time of year when we start reflecting on those women whom we look up to.Wellness is made up of seven different elements two of these elements are emotional wellness and social wellness. These two elements can refer to our feelings and relationships that we have with people. The mother-daughter relationship is an important aspect in a women's life. A mother is the one who helps us learn how to take care of ourselves as we reach womanhood, she gets us through our first breakup, and loves us continually no matter what we say or do. For some of us as we get older and leave the house our relationship with our mother begins to be weakened. As we see our mother less often we begin to lose that closeness we had before when we saw her on a more frequent basis. As we get older we begin to develop our own lifestyle, ideas, and individuality that may differ from our mothers. We may have gotten into a recent disagreement that has caused us to distant ourselves from her. Whatever the reason as to why we have weakened that bond, it is important that we strengthen it whenever possible. In honor of mother's day this week, we have focused on how to strengthen your relationship with your mother or the person who plays the motherly role in your life.  

Relationships

       One thing that we need to keep in mind is that a relationship consist of two people. "Sometimes we spend so much time focusing on ourselves-our shortcomings, problems, and needs-that we overlook the ways that our lives are are affected and enhanced by others". As we get older and become adults our relationship with our mother changes. We become adults and make our own decision but we are still seen as a child by our mother. We have to learn to start a new relationship with our mother in which we are both adults but we still have that mother-daughter feeling. Below are some tips that can help with starting that relationship and how to make it stronger.

1. Make the first move.

It is important that both people are putting forth the effort although one person may have to initiate it first in order for the relationship to begin.

2. Change yourself.

Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their ways. Think of it as a dance, when one person changes their steps, the dance inevitably changes.

3. Have realistic expectations.

Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. It is important that we realize it will not be perfect and the other person will not always do what you expect.   

4. Communicate.

"Lack of communication is a common challenge with moms and daughters. Because moms and daughters aren't mind readers, be clear and calmly state how you’re feeling. Also, speak your mind in a very heartfelt but gentle manner". 

5. Be an active listener.

Active listening is when you reflect back what the other person has just said. This means that when the person is done talking you repeat in your own words what the person just said. By reflecting back what they just said you’re telling her that she’s being heard and that you understand. This can also help someone rephrase what they said if you are understanding them different than what they meant. 

6. Put yourself in her shoes.

Mothers try to see how your daughter feels and how you felt when you where her age. Daughters try to understand that your mother does have experience and has the best intentions for you. 

7. Learn to forgive.

Forgiveness is key to a relationship. Being able to ask for forgiveness and knowing when you have wronged the other person as well as being able to forgive is what will build trust and confidence between you two. 

8. Balance individuality and closeness.

Dr Roni Cohen-Sandler said, "It can be challenging for daughters to build their own identities. Sometimes daughters think that in order to become their own person, they must cut off from their moms. Or, quite the opposite, they’re so fused that they’re unable to make decisions without her input, she said. Both are clearly problematic".

But daughters can find their voices and identities within the relationship. So how can you strike a balance between staying connected and still being true to yourself? It is not easy but with time you will be able to find a perfect balance. 

9. Agree to disagree.

As adults we begin to develop our own views and ideas some which may go against what our mothers believe. It is important that it is accepted that agreement will always occur and to let each other have their own opinions. 

10. Stick to the present.

"Moms and daughters tend to have an old argument that runs like a broken record in the background. It becomes their default disagreement. Instead, avoid bringing up old gripes from the past, and try to focus on the present" -Dr. Roni Cohen-Sandler

11. “Use ‘I’ statements, rather than being accusatory,”

Instead of saying you make me feel  you did this say I. By replacing "you" with "I" your conversation will be more productive and no one will feel like they need to become defensive.  

 References: 

http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1988-16704-001

http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-insights-on-improving-mother-daughter-relationships/0007635

Roni Cohen-Sandler, Ph.D, psychologist and co-author of I’m Not Mad, I Just Hate You! A New Understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflict http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-insights-on-improving-mother-daughter-relationships/0007635

Meditation

What is meditation? 

Meditation is a simple and easy way to help reduce stress and relax. Meditation is a method that has been practiced for thousands of years by many cultures and religions.Originally it was used as an intellectual enlightenment to better understand mystical and sacred forces of life. Now it is generally used as a relaxation and stress reduction method. While doing meditation is produces a state of relaxation that helps you focus your attention and eliminate the busy thoughts that get jumbled in your mind causing you stress. This process helps enhance emotional and physical wellness. 

Is it the same as yoga?

Yoga is considered a type of meditation that focuses of exercises that help with flexibility. 

How do I meditate? 

Ways to meditate can include:

• Guided meditation. Sometimes called guided imagery or visualization, with this method of meditation you form mental images of places or situations you find relaxing. You try to use as many senses as possible, such as smells, sights, sounds and textures. You may be led through this process by a guide or teacher.
• Mantra meditation. In this type of meditation, you silently repeat a calming word, thought or phrase to prevent distracting thoughts.
• Mindfulness meditation. This type of meditation is based on being mindful, or having an increased awareness and acceptance of living in the present moment. You broaden your conscious awareness. You focus on what you experience during meditation, such as the flow of your breath. You can observe your thoughts and emotions but let them pass without judgment.
• Qi gong. This practice generally combines meditation, relaxation, physical movement and breathing exercises to restore and maintain balance. Qi gong (CHEE-gung) is part of traditional Chinese medicine.
• Tai chi. This is a form of gentle Chinese martial arts. In tai chi (TIE-chee), you perform a self-paced series of postures or movements in a slow, graceful manner while practicing deep breathing.
• Transcendental meditation. You use a mantra, such as a word, sound or phrase repeatedly silently, to narrow your conscious awareness and eliminate all thoughts from your mind. You focus exclusively on your mantra to achieve a state of perfect stillness and consciousness.
• Yoga. You perform a series of postures and controlled breathing exercises to promote a more flexible body and a calm mind. As you move through poses that require balance and concentration, you're encouraged to focus less on your busy day and more on the moment. 

 Does it have any health benefits? 

The emotional benefits of meditation include:

• Gaining a new perspective on stressful situations
• Building skills to manage your stress
• Increasing self-awareness
• Focusing on the present
• Reducing negative emotions

Meditation and illness

Meditation also might be useful if you have a medical condition, especially one that may be worsened by stress. While a growing body of scientific research supports the health benefits of meditation, some researchers believe it's not yet possible to draw conclusions about the possible benefits of meditation. 

Some research suggests that meditation may help such conditions as:

• Allergies
• Anxiety disorders
• Asthma
• Binge eating
• Cancer
• Depression
• Fatigue
• Heart disease
• High blood pressure
• Pain
• Sleep problems
• Substance abuse

References:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/meditation/art-20045858

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Love Yourself and Your Body

               February is the month of love, but you don’t have to be in a relationship to enjoy it. Take this time to learn to love yourself,  regardless of your relationship status. With the media bombarding women about their imperfections and what perfect really is, many of us struggle with loving ourselves as we are. Learning to love yourself involves setting goals. Some of these goals could be eating more vegetables, enjoying more fruits, or walking to campus instead of driving. These are all things we have the ability to control that make an impact on your health. Below is a list of ways in which we can love our bodies by Margo Main, a Ph.D. from the University of Santa Clara.

“20 Ways to Love Your Body” by Margo Maine, Ph.D.

Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.

1.         Your body is extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.

2.         Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.
3.         Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.
4.         Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.
5.         Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
6.         Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
7.         Wear comfortable clothes that you like and that feel good to your body.
8.         Count your blessings, not your blemishes.
9.         Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!
10.     Be your body's friend and supporter, not its enemy.
11.     Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months.
12.     Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.
13.     Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.
14.     Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good.
15.     Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.
16.     Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!
17.     Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."
18.     Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.
19.     Start saying to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."
20. Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.

Sources:

http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/bodyimage/bodyimagelovebody.cfm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3agBWqGfRo

Words to Inspire

This Sunday, Mother’s Day, we honor all women across the world for their influence and impact in the home and community. Whether you are a mom with little kids, an empty nester, a single adult, proud grandma, or faithful school, piano, or church teacher, you make a positive contribution and have an important role.  

 "The Women in Our Lives" - Mormon Message

 
“Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time! . . . My dear Relief Society sisters, you are closer to heaven than you suppose. You are destined for more than you can possibly imagine.”

• President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“Forget Me Not” Ensign November 2011)

“When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this.”

• Elder Neal A. Maxwell (“The Women of God” General Conference April 1978)

“Recent horrifying events in the United States have underscored the fact that we live in a world of uncertainty. Never has there been a greater need for righteous mothers—mothers who bless their children with a sense of safety, security, and confidence about the future, mothers who teach their children where to find peace and truth and that the power of Jesus Christ is always stronger than the power of the adversary. Every time we build the faith or reinforce the nobility of a young woman or man, every time we love or lead anyone even one small step along the path, we are true to our endowment and calling as mothers and in the process we build the kingdom of God. No woman who understands the gospel would ever think that any other work is more important or would ever say, “I am just a mother,” for mothers heal the souls of men.

Look around. Who needs you and your influence? If we really want to make a difference, it will happen as we mother those we have borne and those we are willing to bear with. If we will stay right with our youth—meaning, if we will love them—in most cases they will stay right with us—meaning, they will let us lead them.
As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon. Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning. In the premortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn’t stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joy at least in part because of the ennobling stature He gave us in His kingdom. The world won’t tell you that, but the Spirit will.

We just can’t let the Lord down. And if the day comes when we are the only women on earth who find nobility and divinity in motherhood, so be it. For mother is the word that will define a righteous woman made perfect in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, a woman who has qualified for eternal increase in posterity, wisdom, joy, and influence.”

• Sister Sherri Dew (“Are We Not All Mothers” General Conference October 2001)

“Woman is God’s supreme creation. Only after the earth had been formed, after the day had been separated from the night, after the waters had been divided from the land, after vegetation and animal life had been created, and after man had been placed on the earth, was woman created; and only then was the work pronounced complete and good.

“Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring than a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth.”

• President Gordon B. Hinckley (“Our Responsibility to Our Young Women,” Ensign, Sept. 1988, 11.)

“Our destiny is greater than we can imagine. If only we understood who we are and what is in store for us, our hearts would overflow with such gratitude and happiness that it would enlighten even the darkest sorrows with the light and love of God, our Heavenly Father. The next time you feel unhappy, remember where you came from and where you are going. Rather than focus on things that dampen your thoughts with sorrow, choose to focus on those things that fill your soul with hope. You will realize that these things are always connected to serving God and our fellowmen. Remember that the Lord has given you His word in the scriptures. Pray earnestly to Him; talk with Him daily. Learn of Him, and walk in His way. Serve God and serve your fellowmen.”

• President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“The Reflection in the Water” CES Fireside November 2009)

Embracing Your Divine Worth

The Influence of Righteous Women
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“As we look at the history of this earth and at the history of the restored Church of Jesus Christ, it becomes obvious that women hold a special place in our Father’s plan for the eternal happiness and well-being of His children.”

“There is a saying that big gates move on small hinges. Sisters, your example in seemingly small things will make a big difference in the lives of our young people. The way you dress and groom yourselves, the way you talk, the way you pray, the way you testify, the way you live every day will make the difference. This includes which TV shows you watch, which music you prefer, and how you use the Internet. If you love to go to the temple, the young people who value your example will also love to go. If you adapt your wardrobe to the temple garment and not the other way around, they will know what you consider important, and they will learn from you.”

“What you sisters do today will determine how the principles of the restored gospel can influence the nations of the world tomorrow. It will determine how these heavenly rays of the gospel will light every land in the future.”

“May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you. But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others. Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones. The virtue of your own life will be a light to those who sit in darkness, because you are a living witness of the fullness of the gospel (see D&C 45:28). Wherever you have been planted on this beautiful but often troubled earth of ours, you can be the one to ‘succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees’ (D&C 81:5).”

“My dear sisters, as you live your daily life with all its blessings and challenges, let me assure you that the Lord loves you. He knows you. He listens to your prayers, and He answers those prayers, wherever on this world you may be. He wants you to succeed in this life and in eternity.”

LDS Women Are Incredible!
-Quentin L. Cook

“God placed within women divine qualities of strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children.”

“Much of what we accomplish in the Church is due to the selfless service of women. Whether in the Church or in the home, it is a beautiful thing to see the priesthood and the Relief Society work in perfect harmony. Such a relationship is like a well-tuned orchestra, and the resulting symphony inspires all of us.”

“Our women are not incredible because they have managed to avoid the difficulties of life—quite the opposite. They are incredible because of the way they face the trials of life. Despite the challenges and tests life has to offer—from marriage or lack of marriage, children’s choices, poor health, lack of opportunities, and many other problems—they remain remarkably strong and immovable and true to the faith. Our sisters throughout the Church consistently ‘succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.’”

“You valiant and faithful single sisters, please know that we love and appreciate you, and we assure you that no eternal blessing will be withheld from you.”

“Dear sisters, we love and admire you. We appreciate your service in the Lord’s kingdom. You are incredible! I express particular appreciation for the women in my life.”

May You Have Courage
-President Thomas S. Monson

“Esther, through fasting, faith, and courage, had saved a nation.”

“You will probably not be called upon to put your life on the line, as did Esther, for that which you believe. You will, however, most likely find yourself in situations where great courage will be required as you stand firm for truth and righteousness.”

“Again, my dear young sisters, although there have always been challenges in the world, many of those which you face are unique to this time. But you are some of our Heavenly Father’s strongest children, and He has saved you to come to the earth “for such a time as this.”  With His help, you will have the courage to face whatever comes. Though the world may at times appear dark, you have the light of the gospel, which will be as a beacon to guide your way.”

LDS.org

Uplifting Thoughts for the Future

Faith is both a principle of action and of power. It “is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if [we] have faith [we] hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” It is an assurance8 of the Spirit gained through our learning that moves us to act to follow the example of the Savior and prayerfully keep His commandments, even through times of sacrifice and trial. Faith brings us the power of the Lord, which—among other things—is manifested by a hope of good things to come, miracles that confirm our faith, and divine protection in spiritual and temporal matters.
Elder Marcus B. Nash

“Life is good, if we live in such a way to make it so.” This was a part of an inspirational message I read many years ago. What the message calls “a good life” comes as a result of the way we do things, of the words we choose to say, and even of the kind of thoughts we choose to have.
No one needs to feel alone on the road of life, for we are all invited to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. Happiness is the purpose of the gospel and the purpose of the redeeming Atonement for all men.
Benjamín De Hoyos

Our spiritual journey is the process of a lifetime. We do not know everything in the beginning or even along the way. Our conversion comes step by step, line upon line. We first build a foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We treasure the principles and ordinances of repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. We include a continuing commitment to prayer, a willingness to be obedient, and an ongoing witness of the Book of Mormon.  We then remain steady and patient as we progress through mortality. At times, the Lord’s answer will be, “You don’t know everything, but you know enough”—enough to keep the commandments and to do what is right.
Elder Neil L. Andersen

It would be easy to become discouraged and cynical about the future—or even fearful of what might come—if we allowed ourselves to dwell only on that which is wrong in the world and in our lives. Today, however, I’d like us to turn our thoughts and our attitudes away from the troubles around us and to focus instead on our blessings as members of the Church. The Apostle Paul declared, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us.  My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith. President Thomas S. Monson

lds.org

The True Definition of Beauty

In 2011, Dove® released the findings of its largest global study to date on women’s relationship with beauty—The Real Truth About Beauty: Revisited. The study revealed that only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful, and that anxiety about looks begins at an early age. In a study of over 1,200 10-to-17-year-olds, a majority of girls, 72%, said they felt tremendous pressure to be beautiful. The study also found that only 11% of girls around the world feel comfortable using the word beautiful to describe their looks, showing that there is a universal increase in beauty pressure and a decrease in girls' confidence as they grow older.

“I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! 

But as one adviser to teenage girls said: “You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” 8 And in the kingdom of God, the real you is “more precious than rubies.” (Julia DeVillers, Teen People, Sept. 2005, 104.)  Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good.”-Jeffrey R. Holland (“To Young Women,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 28)

Being daughters of our Heavenly Father is what makes us beautiful.  At times, it is easy to lose this perspective due to the standards that the world has set for beauty.  We must remember that as we strive to emanate with the light of our Savior Jesus Christ, others will be drawn to our true beauty: our divine self.  

“Be a woman of Christ. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. This Church needs you. The world needs you.”-Jeffrey R. Holland (“To Young Women,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 28)